If Blago Goes Unpunished,We Won't

I wish I would've been able to take the Blagojevich kids with me when I got my license renewed. Apparently,dragging them around to events is a benefit. And at least at the secretary of state's office they wouldn't have to listen to what an idiot their father is. As Sam Adams Sr.,a member of Blago's law team said, "He may be a goof but he's an innocent goof."

If he is convicted, (and don't we hope he is just based on his smarminess quotient?) he'll become a footnote in Illinois' rich history of corruption but if he goes free--oh mama, Blago's here to stay! He will become the answer when any comedian or entertainer needs a dumb guy joke. When someone needs an old age joke,it's Larry King. When someone needs a fat joke,they lampoon Kirstie Alley. Weasel jokes aim at Jay Leno. And now, ignoramous thy name will be Blago. Watch for him to continue to show no shame by appearing before cameras for everything from Elvis impersonation contests at high profile karaoke bars to cameos in struggling sitcoms. Can you picture him as the ice cream man in "Rules of Engagement"? Maybe he co hosts one Saturday with Svengoolie or writes an advice column for a local paper in Peoria. He may escape punishment but ours would be just beginning.

SPACE RACE

Parking in my usually quiet northwest side neighborhood was never the problem that it is today.In fact I'm late writing this piece because I had to park somewhere near Skokie this warm Saturday morning. While that might be a slight exaggeration,the days of being able to park in front of one's residence are basically over for my neighbors and I.

Lots of this is because of the proliferation of illegal apartments that now dot my block. The many families shoehorned in to the buildings may not be able to afford a legal dwelling, but they know the joys of jalopy ownership and now I have no place to park.

Adding to the mess is the city employee (we will call him "Joe") nearby who parks his city issued vehicle in what most of us now must consider "Joe's spot." Must see attractions for visitors to this neighborhood include our traffic circle, nicely manicured lawns and Joe's parking spot. And when he's away,some neighbors keep his spot open. Once in awhile someone must park there and if they are present when Joe returns,you can feel his disdain. He will park in as near to his occupied space as possible but if the bumper of the intruding car gets a metal kiss, well,Joe is just saying hello. At least one daring resident gets perverse pleasure out of depriving Joe of his self designated spot.Perhaps because Joe has a driveway and a 2 car garage but apparently wishes to stake out part of the good earth for his own. Another neighbor took note of the parking problem and created his own driveway to forever guarantee him a spot near his residence.Desperate times,desperate measures.

Weekends present spectacular parking problems. If you want a space on Saturday and or Sunday, better consider pulling next to the curb about 4 PM Friday afternoon and staying put. It's like getting a reservation at a fine restaurant. It looks like a state funeral has pulled over to the curb for lunch. Attend services at your own risk on Sunday. The Lord giveth but someone taketh away your space as you worship.

If you are one of the fortunate who win the parking space lottery, taking to the road might present another challenge as the cars parked on either side of you have given you precious little room to maneuver. Think Rush Limbaugh trying to pull on a speedo.Wait a minute- don't. I made an aerobic exercise video with the assistance of my steering wheel, working up a frothy sweat attempting not to slam the vehicles that had trapped me in my own parking space. I felt like a character in "Shawshank Redemption" as I triumphantly made my escape from the curb and onto the avenue. And as I looked back at my former cement prison, another car was trying to back in. Poor sap.

For genuine chaos it's hard to beat the day the parking on the left is now parking on the right thanks to street cleaning. It's musical chairs, auto-style as motorists scramble for a spot in this zip code. And when 3 PM arrives and the street cleaning signs no longer matter, folks rush to their cars and take off as if they're leaving a Cubs game. The scramble for the parking space in front of your own home begins.

We used to know every car and the neighbor to whom it belonged. Those were simpler times. Now I use Google Earth to find a place to park and when I do,I proudly display it in my Facebook status. How far we've come and how much further I have to walk to find my vehicle.