I've seen many a Christmas come and go and as another closes in, I can honestly say that the
anticipation and the adrenaline I felt as a kid remains to this day, the only buffer to my otherwise cynical and sarcastic existence.
I've got my mom to thank for this devotion to the season of goodwill. While dad would annually scowl come the holidays, mom was baking and decorating and singing and instilling traditions that would remain with me forever. I treasure Christmas and I anticipate it all year and savor it once it arrives and I do not apologize for any of that.
It has been a long time since that kid searched the sky for Santa Claus and looked forward to the gifts he would bring on that one magical night.Heck, I was scared to death of this "little" elf who was larger than life. I didn't want him in my room and I definitely didn't want him checking to make sure I was asleep because if I wasn't, I was sure he would depart and leave me giftless...and who can sleep under that kind of pressure ?
Like so many of you, my traditions and customs have changed over the years because that's what life does . The crowded house occupied by my old world Italian grandparents served as a landing spot for members of the italian side of the family each December 24. Good food and gifts and an occasional glimpse of Santa (or perhaps someone dressed as Santa) as we rode to grandma's house. I still miss hearing "Buon Natale" on Christmas Eve.
These days my Christmas Eve have transitioned from family to friends. I am fortunate to be included in a friend's family gathering each year, joining them in song and food and drink and the joy of the season. I always hate to leave the party but I have a set of good friends who visit before midnight mass (an integral part of my Christmas) and we exchange gifts and drink a toast to the holiday and to friendship.
I annually toast my late mom and dad and thank them for the best gift they ever gave me...a deep love and appreciation for Christmas. I get teased about it and that's okay. I know there is value to living one day at a time and I also know that with each Christmas comes advancing age and I have less Christmas Days remaining than the number I have experienced. Yet this stark reality doesn't make me look any less forward to it and start considering the next one once this one is a memory.
I am so fortunate. I am struggling in a lot of ways and not everything is mistletoe and holly in my world no matter how it might appear. But I have my own little unconventional family with whom I will sit down to dinner with on Christmas after we scatter wrapping paper to the 4 winds. And I have a raft of friends on whom I can depend and almost all of them make me laugh on a fairly regular basis and never discount humor because when you think your down to your last emotional bullet, it can save you.
After a Christmas Eve of celebration and anticipation , when the first few notes of the organ echo through church to begin midnight mass, I always think "We made it to another one." And as long as there is Christmas there is hope.
It's almost cliche to write these heartfelt reminiscences and I know the feelings expressed here are not uniquely my own, yet I wanted to share it with you on this Christmas because I'm just glad you're here and we celebrate together no matter where we are tonight.
Thank you for being part of my life this Christmas. Let's do it again in 2016,whaddaya say?
