I might not have the best looking car, the most fashionable house,the most lovable cat...(wait, I DO have the most lovable cat) or the prettiest lawn but I have the best parking space on the block, right out front.
I know this because everyone parks in front of my house but me. If there's space in front of their home, they still park in front of mine. Sometimes 3 cars try to squeeze in the spot and it looks like a bus is out there. They all want a piece of that valued property. Why? I have no idea.
Maybe it is the sprawling oak tree that serves as "nature's garage" for the garageless. Perhaps they feel the vehicle is safer with this form of shelter. Maybe it's the streetlight just across the street that keeps the space bright all night cutting down the chances of vandalism. Maybe they just want to annoy the heck out of me.
And so my visitors have had to take a shuttle bus from whee they had to park to pay me a visit. I once had to circle my block like an airliner circles O'Hare in the rain while praying I will find a space that will get me home before the weekend.
I don't ask much in this life....a comfortable bed, a hot meal, the company of friends and a chance to park in front of my own house a few times a year.
The house next door to me has more people in it than attended the Cubs victory parade and they each seem to have a car and none of them particularly anxious to park by their own hotel... I mean, house. Are they trying to throw off the authorities?
The biggest offender and the guy who covets my space the most is a small man with a red car who delights in parking in that space in front of my house. Sometimes right in front of it, sometimes inches in front or back of that prime real estate but always there when I look out the window. I have no idea what this guy does for a living but he seems to only use his car to go to and from work on irregular days and when he doesn't go to work it sits there sometimes for as long as 36-48 hours.
I bet he even gets under the skin of the other poachers. Sometimes the curbs are bare as far as the eye can see, but for him, in front of my house though he could have had any space he wanted.
To add some pathos to the story I recently have developed mobility problems that make getting around a bit problematical. I am carting around a cane and moving at a snail's pace. It is evident to the neighbors that I am not going to be running any marathons soon and still they flock to my space with no regard for my hobble.
Helpful friends whose names I won't mention have suggested everything from a sharp key to crushed glass but so far I have only resorted to cursing.
However, the swear words will soon be in the other mouth. The free parking is over! The city has
graciously agreed that I could benefit from handicapped parking signs and that means there is going to be chaos on the street where I live. Cars will be scrambling to take up the spaces of other neighbors or heaven forbid....park in front of their own building! Imagine!
If I had my choice, I would rather keep the annoyance and lose the cane but if these are the cards I've been dealt I'll play them and enjoy the result. Fewer steps, a guaranteed spot on a car laden block and a chance to see what my neighbor's car looks like in front of his own house.
Little do these motorists know they are in the final days of parking 'neath the old oak tree. I am thinking of popping some champagne and sharing it with the city workers who will soon be putting in those signs.
There is only one drawback to being able to park in front of my house. That Oak Tree provides shade and shelter but it is also a fine host to all kinds of birds who now won't have a selection of autos on which to take care of business. My hood may soon resemble a rorschach test but what a small price to pay to be able to park in one's own zip code.
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