There was a notorious nun awaiting us in the upper grades. We had heard tales of her notorious grumpiness since the sixth grade. She frequently haunted the hallway to chew out an offending student in full view of passersby. She was the one,the only....Sister Solaria!
It was a relief to learn that my homeroom teacher in 8th grade would be Sister Reinaldis and not Sister Solaria. Yet there was no escape. Because when it came time for English class, it was time for......Sister Rose???? Yes,Sister Solaria had changed her name to a more gentle sounding Sister Rose,perhaps to rid herself of the baggage that came with being the fastest knuckle whacker in the west. Her name had changed,her mood not so much.
I was fortunate enough to do fairly well in my English classes (this blog not withstanding) so I seldom was an irritant to Sistet Rose like many of my fellow students.
For all her bluster and bad moods, she was not without humor though it was very dry. But I could appreciate that about her. As I said ,I did pretty well in her class but she wasn't one to ignore a little mistake. I was on the receiving end of her verbal barbs when I failed to come up with the answer she was looking for. I can still see and hear it today as she said very calmly , "Kwit,your stupidity is colossal."
I almost busted out laughing. I had never heard those two words "stupidity" and colossal" in the same insult and I appreciated it. So Sister Rose, wherever you are in the great beyond, I remember you not with dread and fear but with humor.
Our home room teacher Sister Reinaldis was a competent veteran nun who was aware of very little that didnt involve her job. Her lack of knowledge of the world beyond the classroom and convent made her easy pickins for the most disruptive and fun bunch of pranksters with whom Ive ever shared a classroom. She was pranked so many times by my 8th grade class,I wouldn't have blamed her for resigning mid year.
She had just the trace of a German accent which made it easy for the class to do impressions of her. It seemed almost every day that bunch had something new in store for Sister Reinaldis. And when she got frustrated with us she would get almost comically upset and her accent thickened.
There was the time they hid a transistor radio on low volume in one of the cabinets in the back of the room tuned to a country music station, perplexing the poor nun as she demanded to know who had the radio. The answer was,of course,nobody.
Or the time one of the students brought a small can to class that when turned upside down,made the sound of a cow mooing. We would pass that can around so the moo would always be coming from a different place in the room.
This added to her frustration as every time she thought she cornered the "cow" it had moooooved along. Meanwhile we were biting our lips to keep from laughing.
But the greatest and most laugh inducing prank might be considered X rated and was definitely naughty so lets keep it just between us.
One of the students had brought a prophylactic to school. The students had made it a habit to put all manner of silly things on the desk of Sister Reinaldis but this was daring.
And so it was that Sister Reinaldis found it on her desk,stood up in front of the class stretching it full length as if it were a balloon and mumbling "How does this silly stuff always get on my desk?"
She obviously had no idea what it was and her class was almost crying with suppressed laughter at a sight few people have ever seen. A nun stretching a birth control device and wondering what it was.
That eighth grade class was something.
Being one who always appreciated humor I enjoyed these classmates because you never knew what they had planned for poor,frustrated Sister each day. It was also the most accepted I ever felt. While I never planned any of the misdeeds I passed the cow can when it came my way and happily kept all the confidences of the perpetrators.
Looking back as an adult who has achieved at least some level of maturity, I feel sorry for what this nun was subjected to by my class as she just tried to do her job. Yet their misbehavior made 8th grade the best experience I had as a student at St.William,including the time I won the 4th grade spelling bee with the word "Alleluia."
Sister Reinaldis got her revenge on the last day of school ,our final day as grammar school students.
When the bell rung to end our eight year run as St. William students, she kept us in our seats. As freedom rung for the rest of the student body as they joyfully hit the streets for summer, we sat in silence,the penalty for our sins.
As Sister revelled in having the last laugh ,she fixed her gaze on me.
"Kwit,"she said "You have been a prince of a fellow. You may go."
I rose up with the smile of a person who felt liberated despite taking part in the school year mayhem and walked out of the classroom and grammar school life by myself.
And there you have my biggest regret of my student years at St.William. Back then all that was important was the escape. But if I had it to do over again I would've politely declined Sister's offer and staid with my class. I should've ended by leaving the building with my classmates.
Little did I know I would be back.
No comments:
Post a Comment